One more week...

Friday is here and i have another 1 week of MC to go through....aihhh...

Hari ni cut off day and i dont have to work on replacement holiday..yeayy!!

Still not have any plans for weekend..planning to cook on sunday..and i have wedding to attend on sunday night...

Few things to do next week and i still have no destination for my short vacation....

Cut off day and replacement holiday...

back to own crib and can't help to feel a bit lonely...tried to bury myself with tonnes of work hoping that i won't have to think about others..or that particular someone...been filling my schedule with a lot of personal matters to settle making sure i have something to do everyday..except for the weekend which eating me a lot if cannot come up with some plans....

wanted to go on holiday tomorrow but it seems impossible with all the pending issues that we are having right now..everybody is rushing to meet the dateline tomorrow...and i need to follow up closely to make sure i can get everything close on time...so forget about going holiday tomorrow...

and long weekend won't help either..plus i need to do something in the system on the replacement day itself...bummer! but to think about it again..i have nothing to do on that day...might as well just work...kan?

What to do...

kat rumah hari ni menyiapkan pending tasks...follow up dengan project manager...system update.....macam macam lagi la...risau..sebab takut tak sempat nak meet cut off date....

one happy thing happen yesterday after 3 days and that night one thing was taken from me...seriously your truly was devastated...don't know what to think now..what to wish now...deep down i am putting some hope but not sure it is good...i am not sure what the other party wanted to do...maybe i am the one who over thinking all of this....

please Allah..i just need one thing and one thing only...please...tell me what to do...

Happy pills....

Here we go again..another week had started and yours truly already drowned....sighhh...

really hate this kind of feelings...how i wish i can move on without thinking about what had happened everyday...every time..

had good time at the mini re-union on last saturday..some of them after 20 years baru jumpa balik and some of them dah ada anak 5,6 orang....

despite having difficult times these few weeks people keep complimented how good i looks..how nice my skin is..i feel a bit happy in the inside..i guess we need this kind of happy pills every now and then...

Infection...

doctor decided to extend my MC until first week of May due to infection on the bone area....he is not happy with and with that i am going to see him everyday next week...yikess! as you all know yours truly is getting mad about staying at home for too long but deep down feel happy a bit on this extended MC..

it just next week is SCO week and as usual yours truly will be busy with alot of thing to catch up...i think today i will start doing my task and get everything done as much as i can..

on the other hand..yours truly is entering another level of grieving...all the good and sweet memories...the words..the gestures...the smiles...its hard...its really hard...

Lucky...

follow up with doctor...and got to know that i am the 2nd person in his whole career that having this kind of condition where a lot of crusting formed inside my nose and blocking the airway....and he is not really happy about how my wound looks like...so he is asking me to take gamat jelly...aihhh....

why i should be the lucky one on this kind of thing...boleh tak lucky dalam bab2 lain ke? sighh....i am guessing he will extend my MC due to this condition where i have to see him every other day...

yours truly dah  tahap bosan nak mati dok umah...walaupun hari hari tengok email office tapi tak communicate dengan orang rasa cam bosannya laa...

Let it go...

aih...yours truly lupa pulak bila guna system baru nak invoice ni memang kena approval lagi satu round...kalau buat semalam approval tu hari ni confirm dah bole load dalam system....ni satu hal la pulak nak tunggu then baru bole load....

anyway....2,3 hari ni agak sedih sebab teringat kenangan2 lama...aihhh...every end of prayer i keep asking Allah to ease the pain...seriously...it's unbearable...sometimes dalam kepala dok bayang revenge...which is not good...i should just let go easy...jangan fikir pasal revenge or anything....tapi tuh la hati manusia kan...tak lepas dari rasa marah dan dendam....

it's almost my end of MC...jangan doctor dok sambung lagi MC ni sudahhh...memang la syok tak keje dok umah..tapi bosan nak mati hati ni meronta ronta nak pegi office nak bergossip...hahahaah....

Tak baik lagi...

baru balik dari hospital..dah 2 malam yours truly tak dapat tido dengan tenang..finally give up pagi pagi dah terpacak kat depan nurse...sebab takde appointment mendapat la tunggu sampai dekat pukul 12 baru dapat jumpa doctor...

dan doctor pun dok pelik apasal banyak sangat crusting dalam hidung ni..no wonder dok tersumbat..blow tak boleh flush tak boleh....aihh....so memang jenuh la doctor nak mengerjakan hidung yours truly keluarkan semua lendir..blood clots bagai....

so dia pesan every other day datang jumpa dia sebab banyak sangat crusting which dia tak pernah tengok pun patient macam ni...aduhh...khamis jumaat memang muka ni lagi la kat hospital tu....

doctor ada mentioned pasal sambung lagi MC...aihh....minggu depan kalau MC lagi memang yours truly akan terpacak la depan laptop...dah la SCO week...

Forgive...

hard to digest on finally the other person walks away cold turkey like that...seriously...i am having some flash back these few days...and to be honest i am holding some anger on it too...i feel betrayed....sad...

it's bad to keep asking what went wrong...and if i got the answer it won't change anything either...so why bother asking what went wrong when the correct question is..."what to do next to be happy?"

i don't deserve this kind of treatment..i deserved to be treated like a person...

will i ever forgive him? well...maybe someday in future but right now...

i will not forgive you..

Medical leave yang panjang...

Sangat la tak produktif bila dok menganga kan MC ni...walaupun tiap tiap hari download outlooks email..clearkan mailbox pastu dah tak tahu nak buat apa...

Bergerak pun kurang...makan tak selera...dan nampaknya berat yours truly pun dah berkurangan kot...based on pemerhatian mata kasar...heh!

Trying to make effort to go out everyday just to change the air...asik berpengap kat rumah bole lemau dan menambah tekanan di jiwa..baca novel tak pun layan movie or tv series lagi baik....

Broken support system...

Recovering from surgery and heart breaking at the same time are way too painful and difficult...its like you need your support system but it is broken right now and won't ready at this nearest moment...so what do you think will happen for the recovery? 

I have been staying at my sister's as one of the support system at this moment but  i know i will have my break down once i return to my own crib...by then reality will start to kicks in and i know it will be so painful...

Once a while the memories came back..and i will cry almost everytime after pray...i tried to kick off the habit checking on whatsapp and fb messenger...been thinking to do something on insta too...

This is going to be a painful...so painful...

Pain and bless....

Today marked 1 week yours truly didnt write any post here..and today marked thats everything is over...despite masih dalam kesakitan..the other party decided to walk away..like drop overything and run off...who did that when you know that she need support system right now? I guess only jerk do this kind of thing..okay moving on....

Surgery was done on last wednesday and it was really a scary experience for me..i dont think i want to do any surgery after this..please Allah keep me in health until the day i passed on...

Because of the headache that im having since last night..doc decided to remove the tubes inside my nose and now i can feel the air going through...blessed....

So lepas ni relax sampai next appointment...

First class...

selasa...last  day  keje before yours truly go on 2 weeks MC...esok pagi pukul 9 surgery...skang dah rasa takut takut..sejuk sejuk..aihh..camna ni..risaunya...

sedang menyiapkan sisa sisa keje...ada benda yang nak kena hantar by this Friday so yours truly sekarang ni dok push la semua orang siapkan semua benda...itu pun macam macam pulak issue...on hold la..overdue laa..pening...

on the other hand..somebody is going back to hometown sampai september...sila la nganga kesunyian ek...nampaknya bulan puasa tahun ni buka sorang sorang je laa...

hmmm...apa lagi ek..oh hari ni first class zumba..boleh ke ikut agak2?

Melekat...

kekenyangan makan steamboat utk lunch..ni sebab semua orang melayan tekak yours truly...nak lepaskan hajat makan steamboat dekat Volcano Shabu Shabu sebelum pegi surgery...

lepas tu balik kelam kabut siapkan recon then kelam kabut nak balik...dah la stuck dalam jammed sambil drive sambil mengantuk..mak aihhh..rasa nak terbang je balik umah...sampai umah solat asar then terus padam sampai maghrib...nasib baik maghrib terjaga..kalo tak langsung terlepas...

skang ni nak marathon tv series...atau pun movies...sila melekat di sofa malam ni...